Parties are cool again
The desire for connection is fuelling the IRL renaissance
The hyper-optimized, wellness-obsessed era is on its way out. The early 2020s were all about optimization - clean girl, cold plunges, 6 a.m. workouts, no drinking. A perfect sleep score on your Oura Ring was the ultimate status symbol, and we sacrificed a lot of “living” in the name of wellness.
It was supposed to make us happier, and it didn’t.
We’re the loneliest we’ve ever been
67% of Gen Z and Millennials reported feeling lonely in the last year. In-person socializing has dropped by over 20% since the early 2000s.
Third places like cafés, bars, and community spots where people used to meet spontaneously disappeared. Not because people stopped wanting them - they disappeared because nobody was designing for them anymore. With everything designed for speed and efficiency, connection was the last thing on the list.
What’s slowly emerging again is the rebuild of third spaces (one can hope). People are actively seeking IRL connections, and parties and events fill the void that optimisation culture and digital way of living left us with. When optimization culture failed to make us happier or safer, the pendulum swung the other way.
Now the coolest thing you can be is the person who’s invited to hot spots, the host of everyone’s favorite event, the person bringing people together, on top of every dinner invite list, and someone people want to be genuinely close to.
We see this shift everywhere
We see this across fashion, beauty, music, and experiential events. Gen Z and millennials are planning to attend more events in 2026.
Brands are tapping into experiential marketing because it builds what performance marketing could never - emotional connection, cultural relevance, and organic content at scale. A well-run event builds the one thing you can’t buy an ad for: a room full of people having a great time.
I went to Cannes Lions recently, and for most brands, budget was not an issue. But most activations felt flat. One of the most talked-about events at Cannes Lions this year was the Signals party for creators hosted by Stan and JT Barnett. There were plenty of more lavish parties, but this had great energy (I’ve always dreamt about a proper movie-like American house party and this felt pretty close!) and became the talk of town and the internet.
People want to have fun again, and brands are starting to notice - more genuinely fun events that don’t feel like a brand activation but are designed with community and experience in mind.
It’s about participation, not status
The current “party,” or connection scene, isn’t a status play like the 2010s version was. It’s less about bottle service and more about feeling part of things.
Today’s third spaces are inviting active participation. Bars are hosting craft events, games nights and lectures. It’s less about being seen at the right place and more about wanting enriching experiences, joy, and feeling alive.
It’s alcohol-optional, too. While in the pre-pandemic years, you might raise a few eyebrows sipping sparkling water on a night out, it’s becoming very common to go “out out” and not drink at all. That being said, substance use is on the rise in Gen Z in their early 20s, so something to watch.
Brands are adapting to the same shift, just from the other side. Instead of trying to build and own an exclusive scene the way a 2010s brand launch might have, they're plugging into communities and community leaders who already exist - joining the room instead of trying to build one from scratch.
Why optimization stopped working
Optimization culture sold a deferred payoff - sacrifice now, arrive later at the “best version of yourself.” It demands constant self-surveillance: steps, macros, screen time, morning routine. But the goalpost never stopped moving and here’s always a new protocol, supplement, or metric.
A huge amount of the optimization stack - cold plunges, fasting windows, solo runs, sleep tracking - is done alone, often while performing it for an audience online.
Humans regulate stress and mood through co-presence with other humans, what’s known as nervous-system “co-regulation.” No amount of data tracking replaces a moment of close connection. This is why a night out can feel more restorative than another “productive” night in, even when it’s objectively worse for you on paper.
Status is quietly flipping, too. In the optimization era, discipline and visible self-improvement were the status signal. As that fatigues, the new status signal is having a real social life - the person who’s hosting, who’s in the group chat planning something, who has “a crew.”
You can see it in the discourse already: there’s been a wave of videos going around framing party girls as the most successful people in the room (my faves from Hannah and Miranda). The flex used to be “look how disciplined I am,” and now it’s becoming “look how connected and fun I am.”
A personal note
I spent the last four months in Paris, and let me tell you, this city lets you feel alive without even having to go “out out” (although, you totally can! Shoutout to my faves La Patate Deuce and La Fete). There’s something in the air and the energy of connection is palpable. Look at these cuties we saw the other night.
I notice the shift in myself too - back in 2020-2024, all I wanted was to stay inside and optimise and, truthfully, got a little too carried away with it.
Sometime last year things started to shift - I started to go to gigs again, often solo, and those nights became some of my favourite memories. I put myself through the initial discomfort of going to events and meeting people in real life. You know, when you optimise everything, life starts to feel very much like Groundhog Day. You’re productive, sure, but you don’t actually remember the days because there’s no friction and no new experiences.
So let’s hope that the “trend” of connection and hanging out is here to stay.
Interesting things from last week
The best things we’ve read, watched, and listened to + news from the internet
Under Armour taps into the Heated Rivalry craze and names Francois Arnaud as their global ambassador and launches their “When It’s Hot” campaign.
Charli XCX released her latest album - Music, Fashion, Film and the understated rock-forward album is a big step away from her Brat era.
ASAP Rocky & Rihanna star in the newest “Don’t be Dumb, Use Fenty” campaign, and it’s cute!
Mugler casts a bodybuilder, Tatiana Horslaville, for their first handbag campaign under the creative direction of Miguel Castro.
Substack partners with Pangram to help you detect AI-written text. Nice in theory, I sure do worry about the cancellations and accusations that will inevitably happen as a result of this.
Sooo, “Chatfishing” is now a thing on dating apps. People are outsourcing their flirty conversations to ChatGPT and asking AI chatbots to analyze their situationships. AI Chatbots use users’ inputs (yes, even screenshots of messages from Chad) to train their models, so think twice before sharing your personal convos.
Young women are increasingly becoming sugarmommies for their boyfriends.
Midjourney purchased Co-Star, the astrology app, in a surprise sale (financials are undisclosed). Their founder, Banu Guler, will stay at the helm of Co-Star and become a Chief Design Officer for Midjourney, which recently extended their services to health.
Yesss - thank God. Agree with Jay in the comments here too — it’s essentially taken us 6 years to break out of our “Covid pod” mentality.
Such a great piece. I think an under-discussed element of the shift toward optimization culture in the 2020s was the pandemic. For two years, we were told to stay inside and focus on our health. Even once the pandemic ended, there was still never a clear “okay, it’s finally over!” moment — it was really up to each individual to make a decision. So I think that attitude subconsciously lingered in the years following, until we realize how much we were missing out on.